Okay, okay, I'm talking a different type of trenches here. If you're new to publishing and have no idea what I'm talking about, the period of time when you've started sending queries and you're waiting for responses (rejections) to rain down on you is frequently called the querying trenches. And let me just say, it's awful. Growing up I was always a perfectionist. I wrapped up the entirely of my self worth in trying to get the highest grade on EVERY test, quiz, paper, assignment, you name it. The fact that I'm now trying to make my way into a profession where you frequently get buried by people rejecting/passing on your work can feel horrible.
When I first started, every rejection was soul-crushing. I didn't know what to expect and didn't know how the process worked, and it felt like they were rejecting me. Admittedly, I even cried after a few people I'd really hoped to work with passed on my work. And social media has only made it worse. There's a lot of lovely people I've met on Reddit and Twitter/X, but when your feed shows you 5 new people announcing their new agents or book deals every day, you start to feel like you're the only one not finding any sort of success.
Small hint--you're not. Most people are actually in the same boat as you. The key to protecting your mental health is to make time for other things. Keep trying different techniques until you find what works best for you! Here's a few methods I've heard of (or use myself) to give a try if you don't know where to start.
1) Find other people going through the process who understand what it's like. Build a community. Twitter/X and Reddit are both great places to start!
2) Once your book is done and you're sending out queries, start working on the next project! If you're sitting around checking your inbox a hundred times a day (we've all done it, so don't feel too bad), you're going to drive yourself crazy. Gert involved in another project you're excited about and it'll make the wait (and rejections) easier to swallow.
3)Take breaks. Go on a vacation if you can, or take a day away from your computer. Get out of the house. Eat out. Go shopping. Do something that makes you happy!
4) Celebrate the milestones. You finished a book--great job! You sent out a bunch of queries--way to be brave! Seriously, give yourself a break. There's only so much you can control.
I want to end on a crazy (but cool!) story I heard recently. A woman I follow on Twitter/X (Twixxer? Can I call it that?) recently got signed for a book she queried 15 years ago! The literary agent had been an assistant at the time (I believe) and remembered the manuscript all these years later. She felt it would work for today's market, so she reached out and represents her now. Never give up! Keep working hard on perfecting your craft. Good things are in store for all of us :)